The meaning of marriage can be
looked at from a legal perspective. Legally, marriage is a binding contract between
the two parties that joins together their possessions, income, and lives.
Marriage is recognized by the state, and the dissolving of the contract can
only happen through the legal process of divorce.
But, for most people, marriage has
meaning beyond the legal sense. Marriage is also an agreement between the man
and woman. Husband and wife take certain vows, to love one another, to cherish
one another, and to stay together through sickness and health, for better and
for worse. In most cases, this agreement includes sexual faithfulness, and a
promise that each person will do what they can to make the other one happy. For
some people, this agreement between man and woman takes the form of a covenant
between not only the couple, but God as well. Thus, many marriages are
performed within the rites of various churches and religious institutions.
The meaning of marriage should be
looked at from a sociological perspective as well. A marriage is the conduit by
which children are born; a marriage provides both a mother and a father for the
children. The family unit, the relationship between parents and child, are all
based on the marriage relationship.
Certainly, in the modern world, the
meaning of marriage is becoming more complicated. In some areas, same-sex couples
are pursuing the right to be married. Certainly, a legal recognition of this
does not create or eliminate the agreements that couples make between
themselves, but these couples desire that legal recognition. In addition, high
divorce rates mean that many children will not be raised in a traditional
family unit. Here again, the fact that the parents are not married does not
mean that they are not a family, but it is changing the way that families are
arranged.
As it always has, the meaning of
marriage is changing as the times change. As society changes, the institution
of marriage changes. These changes may or may not be a good thing; in the end,
they are probably a little of both. The meaning of marriage, in the modern
world, is in a bit of flux; when people do get married, they should make sure
that they agree up front on what they mean by marriage.
The dictionary defines marriage as
“The legal union of a man and woman as husband and wife.” In the modern world,
however, this definition of marriage is simplistic at best. The definition of
marriage differs from one person to another, and from one time to another. In
ancient times, for example, a marriage meant a condition in which a woman was
given to a man almost as property, and often as part of a political, social, or
business arrangement of some sort. For much of human history, marriage has been
defined as a permanent institution that, once entered into, cannot be dissolved
except by the death of one of the spouses. In the modern world, however,
marriage is a vastly different thing. On the up side, marriage is today more of
a gathering of equals, rather than the subjugation of one to the other. On the
down side, marriage often becomes much more temporary than it has been in years
past.
The definition of marriage can be
looked at from a legal perspective. A legal dictionary defines marriage as “the
state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a
legal, consensual, and contractual relationship recognized and sanctioned by
and dissolvable only by law.” Legally, marriage is a binding contract between
the two parties that joins together their possessions, income, and lives.
Marriage is recognized by the state, and the dissolving of the contract can
only happen through the legal process of divorce.
But, for most people, marriage has
meaning beyond the legal sense. Marriage is also an agreement between the man
and woman. Husband and wife take certain vows, to love one another, to cherish
one another, and to stay together through sickness and health, for better and
for worse. In most cases, this agreement includes sexual faithfulness, and a
promise that each person will do what they can to make the other one happy. For
some people, this agreement between man and woman takes the form of a covenant
between not only the couple, but God as well. Thus, many marriages are
performed within the rites of various churches and religious institutions.
The meaning of marriage should be
looked at from a sociological perspective as well. A marriage is the conduit by
which children are born; a marriage provides both a mother and a father for the
children. The family unit, the relationship between parents and child, are all
based on the marriage relationship.
Certainly, in the modern world, the
meaning of marriage is becoming more complicated. In some areas, same-sex
couples are pursuing the right to be married. One dictionary adds an additional
definition of marriage: “A union between two persons having the customary but
usually not the legal force of marriage: a same-sex marriage.” Certainly, a
legal recognition of this does not create or eliminate the agreements that
couples make between themselves, but these couples desire that legal
recognition. In addition, high divorce rates mean that many children will not
be raised in a traditional family unit. Here again, the fact that the parents
are not married does not mean that they are not a family, but it is changing
the way that families are arranged.
As it always has, the definition of
marriage is changing as the times change. As society changes, the institution
of marriage changes. These changes may or may not be a good thing; in the end,
they are probably a little of both. The definition of marriage, in the modern
world, is in a bit of flux; this flux reflects the changing times in which we
live.
Communication is one of the most
important ways to have a strong marriage. This is true in all of the areas of
married life. A strong marriage is one in which the couple can communicate
about every issue, including children, work, household management, and sex.
Couples need to be able to discuss how they are feeling, both in terms of how
they feel about one another but also in terms of how they are feeling about
other things in life. This does not mean that the husband and wife always agree
on every issue; but it does mean that each is willing to listen to the other,
and to discuss their points of view.
A strong marriage is one in which
the married couple spends time together. With the hectic schedule of the modern
world, couples have to make time to just be alone together. This can be
anything from the weekly scheduled date night to an hour or so spent together
in the evening after the kids are in bed. On a regular basis, the couple in a
strong marriage will do something together that they enjoy.
There are a variety of other general
characteristics of a strong marriage. In a strong marriage, husband and wife
are careful to avoid temptations of infidelity. In a strong marriage, couples
respect one another. In a strong marriage, people are willing to admit they are
wrong. People forgive one another in a strong marriage. In a strong marriage,
the partners have respect for one another’s boundaries and privacy. In a strong
marriage, couples are loving, avoid unnecessary criticism, and are generally
polite to one another. In a strong marriage, the couple recognized that they
are a team, and organize their lives as such.
Making a good marriage takes work.
During courtship and the newlywed period, a couple will often feel like their
marriage will never have any problems. They assume that they will always be as
passionate as they are then; that they will have a good marriage forever.
However, as many married couples discover, having a good marriage does take
work.
There are a variety of other general
characteristics of a good marriage. In a good marriage, husband and wife are
careful to avoid temptations of infidelity. In a good marriage, couples respect
one another. In a good marriage, people are willing to admit they are wrong.
People forgive one another in a good marriage. In a good marriage, the partners
have respect for one another’s boundaries and privacy. In a good marriage,
couples are loving, avoid unnecessary criticism, and are generally polite to
one another. In a good marriage, the couple recognized that they are a team,
and organize their lives as such.
At the root of much of these ideas
is communication. Communication is one of the most important ways to have a
good marriage. This is true in all of the areas of married life. A good
marriage is one in which the couple can communicate about every issue,
including children, work, household management, and sex. Couples need to be
able to discuss how they are feeling, both in terms of how they feel about one
another but also in terms of how they are feeling about other things in life.
This does not mean that the husband and wife always agree on every issue; but
it does mean that each is willing to listen to the other, and to discuss their
points of view. Good communication makes a good marriage.
A good marriage is also one in which
the married couple spends time together. With the hectic schedule of the modern
world, couples have to make time to just be alone together. This can be
anything from the weekly scheduled date night to an hour or so spent together
in the evening after the kids are in bed. On a regular basis, the couple in a
good marriage will do something together that they enjoy.
Ultimately, a good marriage is built
on a foundation of love; but the bricks-and-mortar that rest on that
foundation, such as communication, respect, and spending time together, take
some effort.
For many parents, children quickly
become the first priority. These little ones who depend on us for everything
from food to clothing to love can demand almost all of our energy and
attention. Still, it is extremely important after having children to make sure
that your marriage comes first.
If your marriage is not strong, your
children will be able to feel it. If husband and wife are constantly arguing
and bickering, and seldom or never affectionate, children will learn to behave
this way when they grow up. Children have an amazing ability to sense when
things are wrong. It is important that you demonstrate the ability to work
through problems together to your parents. In addition, if you are not both on
the same page as parents, your parenting can become contradictory and confusing
for your children.
Putting your marriage first insures
that your needs are being met. When you are on an airplane, the airline
attendants always tell you to put the oxygen mask on yourself before putting it
on your children, so that you are stable enough to help them. It is the same
way with marriage. By keeping your marriage strong, you keep yourself strong
and much better able to care for your children.
Fortunately, there are some things
that you can do to insure you will have a strong marriage. Communication is one
of the most important ways to have a strong marriage. This is true in all of
the areas of married life. A strong marriage is one in which the couple can
communicate about every issue, including children, work, household management,
and sex. Couples need to be able to discuss how they are feeling, both in terms
of how they feel about one another but also in terms of how they are feeling
about other things in life. This does not mean that the husband and wife always
agree on every issue; but it does mean that each is willing to listen to the
other, and to discuss their points of view.
A strong marriage is one in which
the married couple spends time together. With the hectic schedule of the modern
world, couples have to make time to just be alone together. This can be
anything from the weekly scheduled date night to an hour or so spent together
in the evening after the kids are in bed. On a regular basis, the couple in a
strong marriage will do something together that they enjoy.
There are a variety of other general
characteristics of a strong marriage. In a strong marriage, husband and wife
are careful to avoid temptations of infidelity. In a strong marriage, couples
respect one another. In a strong marriage, people are willing to admit they are
wrong. People forgive one another in a strong marriage. In a strong marriage,
the partners have respect for one another’s boundaries and privacy. In a strong
marriage, couples are loving, avoid unnecessary criticism, and are generally
polite to one another. In a strong marriage, the couple recognized that they
are a team, and organize their lives as such.
By putting your marriage first, you
not only help yourself and your spouse, you help your children.
Many people believe that the
so-called “nuclear family,” consisting of a father, a mother, and children, are
the basic building blocks of society. It is in the family that children learn
to become citizens; it is in the family that children learn about
relationships; it is in the family that children learn about what is expected
of them in society, how to act and how to be. Central to the nuclear family is
the traditional idea of marriage, consisting of one man and one woman in a
monogamous and permanent relationship.
No one in the modern age would
suggest that a single-parent family is not a family. With a large number of
people growing up in single-parent households, it would not be right, fair, or
proper to suggest that a one-parent family cannot function and achieve the same
things that a two-parent family can. However, studies do suggest that children
who are raised with both a mother and a father do have certain circumstantial
advantages over children raised in one-parent households.
In earlier times, marriage helped to
stabilize the economics of a rural agricultural society. By having one man and
one woman together with their children, a regular workforce for the farm was
grown at home. In industrial society, this emphasis changed from children who
contribute to the family economy to a view in which the family serves as the
training ground and shelter for children, preparing them for life in the adult
world.
In the modern world, marriage is no
longer a situation of bondage or slavery for women, as it was in medieval
times. Both men and women benefit financially as well as emotionally and
spiritually from the arrangement of marriage. Some studies even suggest a link
between better health and marriage. In addition, marriage is an important
institution to many religions who, even though marriage is licensed by the
state, nevertheless sanction marriages and perform marriage ceremonies.
Marriage is supposed to be forever.
In the West in particular, marriage is seen as a permanent institution. Yet, as
divorce statistics tell us, a great number of marriages wind up failing. How do
you know when your marriage is failing? While circumstances will vary from one
marriage to the next, there are some definite signs that a marriage is failing,
or at least in serious danger.
Abuse can be an indication that lets
you know when your marriage is failing. When one of the partners in a marriage,
whether it is the husband or it is the wife, is physically or emotionally
abusive, and unwilling or unable to get treatment for the abusive tendencies,
divorce is often the only viable and logical option. A man or a woman who is in
physical danger from their spouse should not stay with them. Even the most
conservative of religions that look at divorce as being taboo tend to see
divorce as a reasonable step in the case of physical abuse.
This also tends to be the case with
infidelity. For some couples, infidelity can bring them to the point where
their marriage is failing. The feelings of distrust and betrayal that comes
when a wife or a husband cheats are too much to handle, and the offense often
is too serious to forgive. On the other hand, many couples have weathered this
sort of storm and, after a long time and a long, hard road to recovery, been
able to stay together. In these instances, while the vow of fidelity has been
broken, the vow to stay together for better and worse can sometimes still be
kept.
A marriage can only stay together as
long as both parties are willing to keep working on it. Before jumping into
divorce, many couples choose other options, such as marriage counseling or a
trial separation. These can also be logical steps that may help to keep a
marriage together. Ultimately, however, if one or both of the married couple
are unable to work at their relationship, the marriage is failing.
A failing marriage is not always a
marriage that will end in divorce. If your marriage is failing, but you and
your partner are both willing to try to work on your relationship, your
marriage does not have to end in failure. It may be painful and it will almost
always be difficult, but in the end it is often worth it.
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